Beyoncé Made Me Do It

Just did an exam on a patient with severe periodontitis (bone loss around the teeth). Most of the teeth were naturally mobile due to the lack of a foundation to keep them stable.

She said that one of her teeth recently turned pink and even more mobile after she got into an accident. After examination, the tooth was indeed swollen and even more loose than the surrounding teeth.

When I asked her what happened, she replied:

“Well I blame it on Beyoncé. I was doing one of her dances while I was in my socks and I slid and ran into a wall.”

. . . I’m pretty sure Beyoncé made you have periodontal disease, put socks on your feet, and slid you into a wall.

Though I’m pretty sure Beyoncé would tell you to brush more often.

Patients. . .




Patients come to see us when they’re in pain. That’s great, let me help you with that.

They also come to see us when they’re not in pain, but claim they’re in pain.

I’m not an idiot.

I love the patients who come in to the office and have a whole skit prepared. They know what to say they’re allergic to, what area is hurting, and seem to have practiced the facial expressions to express how much they need pain medicine.

I offer them a solution.

“I’ll get rid of your pain today. We just have to do X.”

“Oh no I can’t do it today I just want to get something to get me by until maybe next week.”

“Ok, then I’ll get you some anti inflammatories and antibiotics to help with the swollen tissue and we will see you next week.”

“Oh no the only thing that works on me starts with a P. . Pe. . Per? Perc. . ”


“Yes that’s the one. That’s all that works on me. I’m allergic to the other things.”

“Sorry, we’re a non-narcotic office. I can treat the cause of your pain and make the pain go away that way. Otherwise it’s just masking the source of your issues.”

“You mean to tell me I’m supposed to be in PAIN until I come back next week because you won’t give me pain medicine?!”

“No. I’m offering you a better solution.”

“Fine I’ll just go to another office.”

When you come in on a Friday demanding pain medicine instead of actually wanting to fix your problem we can tell you’re just fishing for a weekend fix. We weren’t born yesterday.

Patients. . .


I don’t think patients realize that I’m here to diagnose tooth problems.


I just finished a comprehensive examination.

I asked the patient:

“So are you having any issues today?”

“Yes. I usually have two bunnies outside my house. I went outside today and looked in the bunny hole and one of the bunnies was missing their head and the other one was dead in the hole.”

” . . . do you have any issues with your teeth?”

I’m pretty sure I can’t help with PTSD issues.

Patients. . .